Wascally Webels!

June 25, 2007 at 5:47 pm · Filed under Cockheads

Hang on a mo, didn’t Pantani ride for Team Carrera?

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Yes, The Hun has seen fit to publish something about folks who ride bicycles, although the sub-editor has obviously got a tad flustered and somewhat confused when composing the headline. Like for starters, what slim relationship has this headline have to actual content?

Fig. A: On your bikes, say rebels

Cycling is booming as commuters get on their bikes to avoid road congestion and the public transport crush. New VicRoads figures show the number of cyclists using off-road paths during the morning peak has increased by almost 20 per cent in a year. The biggest increases have been in Footscray, Carlton North and Northcote.

‘Tis pleasing to know Beer Can Hill and the surrounding delta regions are overflowing with cyclists, but the HS are having a sloppy each way bet with allowing yet another minion to fiddle with the title. Thus far there’s been two further revisions:

Fig. B: “On your bikes, say rebel commuters” (Print edition)

Fig. C: “Rebel commuters: on your bikes” (Morning online edition)

Fig. D: “On your bikes, say rebels” (Later online edition)

Fig. E: “Red Light Running Dingo Cyclist Took My Baby” (ACA)

Although this mix n’ match headline editing is hardly a serious attempt to sabotage a non-threatening cycling article by conjuring up the Machiavellian Black Arts of Spin. But it does smack of a stale and clueless approach that the HS feels the urge to repeatively trot out when ‘reporting’ cycling issues in this city. It’s painfully obvious this style of reportage is way past any expiry date and is further evidence of attrition of so-called journalistic standards, let alone to anyone who gives a flying proverbial about how local issues are covered in the meedya. There’s plenty of alternative examples here in Australia and overseas, refer to the Wheels of Justice for more inspired examples. Hey what wrong with spruiking the other website anyway, it ends this blog entry on a positive note and you might just learn something.

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Footy!

June 25, 2007 at 12:58 pm · Filed under Kulture

L-R: Ramones Umpires, Clem (?), Some bloke in a yellow jacket, Bob Log III

Beat on the brat, beat on the brat, beat on the brat with a baseball bat, oh yeah, oh yeah …

Yesterdays Sacred Heart Mission Community Cup was a game of two halves with over 18,000 punters, families, kids, dogs, three streakers (two male & one lovely nubile lady) and a mild two goal finalquarter wind. Bob Log III got back to basics by bravely struggling through the national anthem.

The Cup organisers took it a game at a time, by ensuring the beer was cold, sausages hot and the dunnys not as feral as previous years. One minor quibble, the Ramones umpires should of worn Skins, in keeping with the traditional image of pegged black canvas jeans. Sam Long held her own against a fearless Rowdy Negro. Now there’s talented young bloke to watch.

A special mention must go to PBS’s Adrian Maiolla for a inspired nuddie streak that included a stint afterwards while doing special comments on the boundary line. Will Maiolla savour his truimph or spend a week standing in a room of mirrors? All that was missing was a brassband (although Mach Pelican ably filled in that position) and the half-time blankie. And I worn my old Roy’s scarf. sniff

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Thou Shall Not..

June 19, 2007 at 11:09 am · Filed under Ephemeral Thoughts

1. Be naughty in cars: Vatican issues driving ’10 Commandments’

A 36-page document called Guidelines for the Pastoral Care of the Road contains 10 Commandments covering everything from road rage, respecting pedestrians, keeping a car in good shape and avoiding rude gestures while behind the wheel.

“Cars tend to bring out the ‘primitive’ side of human beings, thereby producing rather unpleasant results,” the document said.

Okayyy, must track down a copy and see if either the Madonna del Ghisallo or bicycle riders are granted a mention.

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2. Be a naughty Pro Tour cyclist: UCI tells cyclists to sign anti-doping declaration before Tour de France

All ProTour cyclists will be asked to sign a declaration before the Tour de France saying they are not involved in doping and agreeing to pay a year’s salary on top of their two-year ban if found guilty of drug use.

BUT

Although the federation can’t force riders to sign, UCI is asking team managers to take that into consideration when deciding whether to enter riders in a race.

Actually that’s sounds as useful as tits on a canary when it comes to stamping out doping in the sport.

3. Be a ignorant prick: Bizarre 101 hit-and-run injures S.F. cyclist

At about 11 p.m. Sunday, 36-year-old Girogos Vassiliades, of Emeryville, allegedly made an illegal right turn from Market Street onto the entrance of U.S. Highway 101, hitting and injuring a cyclist who was riding in the bicycle lane eastbound on Market, police reported.

San Francisco police Sgt. Steve Mannina said Vassiliades stopped on the onramp after the crash, but then began to drive off. A witness to the crash, who was standing outside Vassiliades’ 2005 Ford Focus when he tried to flee, grabbed the steering wheel to stop him, Mannina said.

As Vassiliades and the witness wrestled for the steering wheel, the Focus rolled up onto a car that was stopped in front of it and flipped onto its side, pinning the witness, Mannina said.

According to this news report, Mr Vassiliades has been booked for a felony hit-and-run. Pity there’s no legal equivalent to being also publically labelled a ignorant prick on top of a probable sentence. Maybe Public Nuisance would suffice?

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We’ve been expecting you

June 17, 2007 at 10:21 pm · Filed under Felines and other devices

Fig 1. Ralph the rapidly growing kitten and Mr Harry keep vigil over the Beer Can Hill Estate.

Unused to the flurry of excitement, Harry slowly drifts off into a world of his own somewhere …

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Take care out there

June 15, 2007 at 12:10 am · Filed under Now Seriously

If you’ve been pedalling around Melborings environs the last few days you would of clearly noticed two distinct things:

1. It’s faaarking cold.

2. It’s quite damp.

I haven’t been pedalling around Melboring environs the last few days due to a skirmish with the Snot Fairies, which is probably a smart thing to do, either by trying not to infect anyone or make things worse for myself. Now despite that, cycling around in the fog can be a extremely sublime, surreal experience.

As this picture I took less than an hour ago clearly illustrates, the fog billowing around out there is a dense, thick, pea soup variety we haven’t witnessed for quite awhile. Bear in mind, our street is up on Beer Can Hill, so it must be rather opaque down in the lower delta regions! So if you’re rugging up, donning the thermals and gortex for a bracing fog experience, please remember one important thing.

Now is NOT the time to practice stealth ninja cyclist moves while fully garbed in Fitzroy Safety Black. Please ensure you’ve got adequate lights (please, white on the front, red on the back, sadly some people need to be reminded!), be more alert than usual and leave the post-modernist goth-black for another time. Preferably in full sunlight.

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